Being with Challenging People

The mind is selective about what it likes and what it does not. It may like fresh, sourdough bread with salted butter. It may dislike its boss Gary, who it thinks is a bit of a knob.

The secret to being in a state of peace and joy, is to “marry” the present moment, even if the present moment includes “Gary”.

Marrying the present moment is being with what is, now.

What is is experienced, smelled, felt, sensed, tasted etc — absent of mental narration.

Dis-ease is experienced when the mind wants a situation to be different to what it is…

That person is being mean. I don’t like this. I don’t deserve this. I want them to stop.

The ego can often sound like a petulant child.

When these thoughts are engaged with, they tend to gain momentum, and our peace is exchanged for an idea, unrealised.

Even when the mind gets what it wants, it fears… I’m so grateful I have this. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t. I cannot lose it. How do I make sure I have it forever?

With Gary, then…

Become aware of the experience that is being with Gary. Notice if the mind labels his behaviour (rude, unprofessional, damaging, unreasonable etc). Know that labels are stories, and not what is actually being observed and experienced. Notice simply the energy, the words, the tone, the rapidity of speech. Notice how what Gary says about and to “you” has nothing to do with who you are. Awareness does not defend, but nor does it pander to Gary’s demands for attention, respect, agreement, which only legitimises his illusory sense of self (the ego). Notice how Gary suffers the absence of love, lightheartedness, joy as he judges, separates, manipulates etc. It is from this place of clearly seeing “what is” that you can be with Gary more powerfully and compassionately, as well as deal with the practicalities of life more skilfully.