Over the past several years, I've spent hundreds of hours exploring experiences, with myself, Alex, and those with whom I work. From this, certain observations - or 'teachings' - have emerged, which I've summarised below. If you resonate with what is written here, I imagine you'd thoroughly enjoy a session.
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Oneness
There is no inner and outer, no 'me' and the world; everything arises in, through, with, and as consciousness.
The central 'me', often referred to as the ego, only exists as a thought. When this thought is not engaged with, there is nothing between awareness and experience, or, consciousness and consciousness.
From this perspective, it can be felt, known, and experienced, that all is one.
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The Felt Quality of Experience
Experience has a felt quality.
The quality of an experience can be referred to as low, dense, heavy, noisy - those which are mind-centered or deeply separate experiences.
Or...
High, spacious, light, peaceful - those which are heart-centered or deeply connected experiences.
Every thought, word, action, conversation, idea, question, situation, animal, TV program, environment, business, country - anything one might categorise as 'a thing' - has a felt quality.
Sensing and referring to the felt quality of something is not judging it - it's an aspect of being present to 'what is'.
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Expression as Sense
Thought, speech, and action are senses, in as much as they are used to sense, and thus experience, the felt quality of that which is.
Nothing thought, said, or done is representative of truth or oneself, just because it came into being. Every expression can be viewed as a sensing of what does/doesn't align with connection, love, peace, truth, joy, what is, etc. With experience, this brings a person 'lived knowing' of connection and separation.
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Cause and Ownership
No 'thing' (person, organisation, country, gender, culture, etc) is the sole owner, author, creator, nor cause of experience.
For example, if a reaction happens, no one 'caused' it to happen. It simply arose out of a certain set of conditions, which get ever wider the more context is included.
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Feeling Better
Feeling bad about yourself is the ego feeling bad about itself. Awareness sees the ego, and doesn't mistake it for itself.
Higher, lighter, more spacious states can be accessed as soon as lower, heavier, denser states (and their associated thoughts) are relinquished. All that's required for this is an openness to relinquish.
What is being relinquished is not necessarily the state, but the marketed benefits of being 'in it'.
The marketed benefits (only viewed as benefits to the ego) may include being right, being wrong, being wronged, being alone, being powerless, being noone...
Regardless of what the ego claims to be true, feeling 'better', as in lighter, is always what 'you' want.
Spending time with someone who experiences a lighter state than the one you currently occupy allows access and acclimatisation to that state...
Or, put another way, those who are peaceful and lighthearted can help you be peaceful and lighthearted, if you are open to being peaceful and lighthearted.
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The Mind
Most people identify with the contents of the mind. Their mind, their ego, their ideas, their thoughts, their story...
The narratives of the mind are layered and many, and become most noticeable when written and spoken.
No narrative is real, in that all narratives separate awareness from experience, although all narratives carry a felt quality, and can be sensed as lower or higher quality.
The lower the quality of the narrative, the more distant and unrelated it is from experience.
Such narratives can be easily identified as they are vague, complex, and noisy, relative to peace.
Examples include:
Everything happens for a reason, maybe we're just different, I do that because of my ADHD, he's barking because he's a watchdog, I want you to respect my needs, I need space, privacy is important, emotions are beautiful, honour your feelings, respect nature, my dog needs stimulation, I feel like I don't belong, I'm processing my emotions at the moment, that's not fair, I have the right to know, I have the right to feel, I can't trust myself, I don't feel safe, it's important to be humble, express yourself, dialogue is key for change, I've had on a wild journey, it's important to have boundaries, invest in yourself, meaningful conversations are what life's all about, live life to the fullest, I shouldn't be doing this, it was the kind thing to do, he was friendly, he just has lots of energy, she's just curious, she has a strong personality...
Beneath these narratives is an experience, that is neutral, impersonal, and impermanent.
Uncovering experience - connecting directly with 'what is' - is a major aspect of spiritual development.
Consciously choosing words to accurately describe experience, while remaining aware of any listener's interest and/or understanding, is key to connected communication.
Many times have I assumed that I am having a conversation with a person, only to realise that there is no conversation (and thus communication) taking place, and that I am simply witnessing a person facing 'my general direction', while their mind talks vaguely to itself.
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What Hinders Transformation
Most common in today's society is explaining, excusing, justifying, and blaming upon others (or oneself) what's experienced.
This pattern arises out of three core assumptions:
That experience is personal
That experience is bad or wrong, and/or
That experience is unchangeable
These assumptions hinder transformation; instead of awareness connecting with experience, it is absorbed in the mind - cut off and separated - caught up in explanations about why 'what is' exists.
For example, a person may experience ungroundedness - in other words, their consciousness remains primarily in the mind, jumping rapidly from one point of focus to another. They identify this state as unpeaceful. Then, so quickly it is barely recognised, the mind personalises the experience and judges it as bad. Spurred by the idea of badness, and not wanting to be judged, they go to a doctor who tells them 'it's just how their mind works', which makes them feel a little better. They get diagnosed with ADHD, and believe they 'have ADHD' (something unchangeable). This becomes the explanation, excuse, and justification for the ungroundedness. Rather than connecting with what they originally identified as an unpeaceful experience, and exploring how they might experience greater peace, they come up with a narrative about the experience, which keeps them 'trapped' inside it.
Those who experience the greatest transformation, and thus experience the greatest and deepest degree of peace, are those who are drawn to connecting with experience, as opposed to explaining or excusing it.
Most people don't experience this draw to connect - they simply have no interest in it, much like I have no interest in football scores or trying again wasabi. It appears that the majority of society is still exploring the depths of separateness - which, of course, is simply 'what is'.
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Emotions
Emotions are made up of sensations and thoughts.
Sensations are felt, and may be described as pressure, warmth, tightness, heaviness, or a rush of energy through the body.
Without a thought, a sensation is just a sensation, and is impersonal, neutral, and temporary, like any other experience.
It is common to mistake another's emotion for one's own if you are highly sensitive. It is also common to create a narrative, and thus an emotion, from a sensation. And, it is very common to make an emotion more severe by reacting to its presence.
All of this drama can be avoided by focusing on experience, including the presence of sensations, and not giving much attention or weight to any narratives about them.
There's so much 'going on' that the human eye cannot see - so don't assume a sensation is 'yours', just because you can feel it.
Instead of focusing attention on labelling the sensation, or attempting to find out where it came from, there is the option to remain receptive, and enjoy the experience of not knowing.
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Incongruence
Incongruence is when felt experience ('what is') clashes with what is being presented. It is an aspect of separation, and its presence can be sensed.
Incongruence, or the misrepresentation of reality, is present in most interactions and environments, including the majority of settings presented as spiritual, loving, or high frequency. This is noticed more and more, the more congruent one becomes.
An example of incongruence is passive aggressiveness ('mixed messages'), whereas an example of congruence is anger (one clear message).
Most people with whom I work have, at one time or another, mistaken the sensing of incongruence in something as an emotional reaction to something, and have responded to this with the assumption that they 'need to be more accepting' of something.
For many, identifying incongruence, and not mistaking it for something else, is a major aspect of experiencing peace.
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Flowing with 'What Is'
Flowing with 'what is' is connection in action.
It is sometimes misunderstood as being passive, avoidant, or unengaged, but the phrase actually points to an experience of being and doing in alignment with.
In a state of connection, you can sense what thought, word, or action is most fluid and aligned with a given situation.
You cannot truly 'flow with' life while adhering to rigid rules, as what is aligned varies greatly based on the context of each moment.
For example, let's say your girlfriend gets frustrated, and the narrative in her mind makes 'you' the cause. Depending on the context - including her willingness to relinquish the state - peacefully listening and offering a hug might be the flowiest thing to do. In a different context, perhaps one where she frequently gets frustrated 'at you' and rarely recognises her reaction without justifying it, communicating a firm energetic 'no' - expressed audibly or by physically removing yourself from the room - might be the flowiest thing to do.
Another example of flowing might be eating when you're hungry, and in other moments, not eating, and simply experiencing the sensation of hunger.
Sensing what flows and doesn't flow can be sensed through 'testing out' different thoughts, words, and actions.
Part of coming to sense what flows is first identifying assumptions through which one might be unconsciously living, seeing, and responding through.
Assumptions that may be held by those who are openhearted, sensitive, but undiscerning include, that...:
It's polite to always bring a gift, apologising is always the loving thing to do, smiling at people in the street is nice, not responding is the same as ignoring, if someone is speaking to me that means they're connecting with me, it's rude not to answer a question, because they teach they must know, because they are modest and humble they must be at peace, most animals (especially dogs) are peaceful and loving, it's good to be honest, it's not spiritually evolved to smoke, it's lazy to watch TV all day, it's important to spend time with your family and friends...
All of these assumptions conflict with lived experience, and thus hinder connection with it.
Not assuming, and instead experiencing, sensing, exploring, and reflecting, is essential in coming to know what connection, and 'being in flow', refers to.
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Relating to Others
Connection is obscured in most relationships by the narratives the mind learns and maintains.
A relationship is made up of the energy fields of the people within it. The nature and quality of a relationship can be sensed and felt directly.
There's no such thing as 'mum', 'friend', 'boss', 'child', 'girlfriend', 'pet owner' - these are ideas and roles that people play; they only exist in the mind.
What can be experienced is a person (or animal's) state of being: whether they are connecting or separating, loving or wanting, offering or attempting to take, receptive or closed off, connecting with you or connecting with their opinions and beliefs, open to or absorbed in...
Guilt, fear, and/or a sense of obligation often prevent a person from disengaging with those who experience deeply separate states, for example, those who might attract a diagnosis of narcissism or histrionics.
A common response that often arises in the minds of those who are openhearted, sensitive, but undiscerning is: 'I might be able to help.'
Much time, effort, and energy can be spent listening, offering, reflecting, asking, clarifying, or in other words, trying to help people that, despite any claims they make, do not want help, but ego-validation.
True, a spacious energy field can help another transform, but only if the other is receptive to it. Most of the time, a spacious energy field is threatening to someone who experiences a great degree of density/ego - and when faced with it, they either run away or attack, unsure what to do with the peaceful silence.
Knowing this appears to come out of a process that every openhearted person 'needs to go through', in order that they know in an embodied way, that nothing can be done to help someone who doesn't want it. Being peaceful then, is the only thing one can do - which isn't really doing anything.
Once this is embodied, being with and/or moving away from deeply separate states becomes light, easy, and effortless, as there is no niggling doubt that 'I could be doing something' or 'I could have done more'.
Identifying and questioning assumptions about what it is to be loving, helpful, nice, present, a good person, etc., can greatly assist an openhearted person with experiencing freedom from separation - when freedom is what they seek.